


half-eaten meals

by grossnoona



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Established Relationship, Fever, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:48:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26875468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grossnoona/pseuds/grossnoona
Summary: Is dinner too salty today?Maybe Ritsu made something he didn’t want in the end?Maybe Mao added something Ritsu didn’t like?Maybe Ritsu just isn’t in the mood to eat.The possibilities as to why Ritsu has been leaving his meals half-finished is endless. It worries Mao as he stares at the neatly placed aside bowls and cutlery next to the kitchen sink.
Relationships: Isara Mao/Sakuma Ritsu
Comments: 6
Kudos: 43





	half-eaten meals

**Author's Note:**

> wow an update  
> wow an _enstars_ update!!!!!!!! maoritsu too!!!!!!!!!! what is going on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> nothing hi grossnoona here and i just decided that i should write a fun ( _not so fun_ ) maoritsu fic  
> before i start, this fic may suggest ritsu having some sort of eating disorder (i dont really know how to explain it--its just ritsu has a loss sense of appetite when he's sad and stuff so yea) and uh lots of the weird metas(???) are probs not so common around the world idk so yea, soz abt that  
> anyway I hope you have fun!

A half-eaten bowl of rice.

A half-eaten sandwich.

A half-drunken bowl of soup.

The list of half-eaten meals that sit on the counter next to the kitchen sink could go on and on. Sometimes those meals would go  _ slightly _ under Mao’s radar, had he decided to not check the trash bin underneath the kitchen sink on those days. This isn’t new or anything. Mao is aware. Mao is fully aware that this is part of their daily lives.

_ Yet _ , he can’t help but get worried.

Today, Ritsu is given a small bowl of rice, a small portion of fried fish, and a small bowl of soup. Mao tries not to watch Ritsu eat, just small occasional glances here and there as they eat their dinner together. He doesn’t try to pay any mind to Ritsu’s small grimaces quietly as he eats his meal. Mao doubts that the food is bad or anything, it’s just Ritsu doesn’t seem to be in the mood for eating.

Even if Mao were to give Ritsu small portions, the food gets half-eaten. At least he makes an effort in finishing the bowl of soup, albeit the seaweed seemed left behind. Mao doesn’t blame Ritsu for that. He probably wanted to finish those meals but couldn't. Eating must be becoming a difficult task for him. The way Ritsu merges with their bed or couch right after a meal is a sign that he’s trying to not show how guilty he feels for not finishing the meals Mao has made for him.

It makes Mao laugh. There’s no need to feel guilty, Ritsu.

Mao isn’t mad. Mao isn’t mad at all.

Mao is just  _ worried _ . That’s all.

Yeah. He’s just worried.

No matter the proportions, Ritsu can never finish his meals properly. They are always half-eaten. It alarms Mao a little. Has he been feeling unwell lately? Did he catch a cold? Is he trying to lose weight again? Mao can’t figure out why Ritsu has been unable to eat at all. There are just so many reasons as to why Ritsu would be this way.

Should Mao be direct and ask Ritsu? That would just scare him, though.

Ritsu would flounder in his seat for a couple of seconds before making a meek response. Something about how he promises to finish his meals when that’s not the answer Mao is looking for. Not at all. Mao wants Ritsu to explain why he can’t eat. Tell Mao, will you? That’s all Mao wants to know. Nothing more. Ritsu doesn’t have to finish his meals. Ritsu just has to tell Mao what’s stopping Ritsu from eating properly.

“You’re warm today,” Mao states as he touches Ritsu’s forehead with his hand. He has a fever. Of course, Ritsu wouldn’t tell Mao before it’s too late. The fever has pretty much rendered Ritsu useless. He can’t move without wincing in pain. He can’t taste, smell, nor hear anything.

Ritsu pouts cutely. He’s embarrassed. Don’t feel bad, Ritchan.

There’s no need to feel bad at all. Being sick isn’t a bad thing. Mao tells Ritsu that all the time. It’s not Ritsu’s fault that he’s sick. Not at all. Mao knows Ritsu can’t control this part of himself, no matter how much he tries to. It’s inevitable. Mao knows.

Ritsu’s lunch is porridge. Mao tries to make the portion manageable for Ritsu to eat. Even then, Mao notices that Ritsu could only go through three-quarters into the meal before he finds himself feeling dizzy and terrible. Mao rubs circle Ritsu’s back as Ritsu fumbles out an apology for being unable to finish a meal. Don’t worry about that.

All that should matter is Ritsu getting the rest he needs.

Eat your medicine and drink water. Head to bed right after that.

Ritsu’s job is to do the same as usual. Eat, sleep, rinse, and repeat. Of course, Ritsu does other things in between if he’s healthy but this time, Ritsu can’t do anything but sleep. No games. No cuddles with Mao. No going out with friends. Nothing. Just sleep.

Though Ritsu is an expert at sleeping, sometimes it’s hard to sleep for him. Especially when every waking minute is spent in pain. Even the slightest shift in his legs leaves him grunting in pain. He’s left painfully motionless and awake in the middle of the night. How unfair, Mao thought as he carefully puts Ritsu down on their bed. It sucks, Ritsu’s face clearly says despite the lack of voice.

Mao kisses Ritsu’s forehead.

“Goodnight.”

Ritsu nods slowly.

“Goodnight.”

Just as Mao gets up from the bed, Ritsu grabs the sleeve of Mao’s sweater. Is there something wrong? Mao turns to see Ritsu give him an embarrassed and disappointed look. Did Mao do something Ritsu disliked? Mao tries to think of an answer as he sits back down.

_ Please don’t leave _ , Ritsu’s face tells him. He’s probably still guilty from burdening Mao like this. First, Ritsu isn’t finishing the lovely meals that Mao has made for the two of them. Second, Ritsu is completely useless and sick. Now, Ritsu doesn’t want Mao to leave even though he could get infected with the fever too. Isn’t it annoying that Ritsu is burdening Mao like this?

No, not really.

If anything, Mao is used to this. If he was, he wouldn’t be living with Ritsu. Isn’t that obvious?

Mao can’t really ignore work, though. At the same time, he doesn’t want to neglect Ritsu and his current condition. Both of them are equally important, after all. Though, he can just move his work to the study table in their room, if Ritsu wants. Mao doesn’t mind. At least, Mao can keep an eye on Ritsu while doing work. It seems like a win-win situation to him, much to Ritsu’s embarrassment.

The only issue is maybe the fact that it would disturb Ritsu’s sleep with how noisy Mao can be. He doesn’t want to disturb Ritsu with his work. Should he just head to the studio instead? Though that means he’ll have to leave Ritsu alone in their apartment. Something Mao doesn’t want to do.

Ritsu giggles weakly as Mao rambles on and on about how he’s going to compromise this situation.

“ _ I don’t mind―After all, I like Ma-kun’s songs. _ ”

Mao stops rambling when he hears that. Ah. Is that so? Guess it isn’t a big deal for Mao to bring his work into their bedroom, huh? Mao sees Ritsu smile warmly and nod. Ritsu suggests Mao should sing Ritsu to sleep. Did you know that lullabies help people sleep better, Ma-kun?

Mao laughs at that particular comment. Do they really?

It’s not like Mao _has_ _to_ finish making his songs now. The deadline isn’t due any time soon. Another month or two. After all, the company and Trickstar are expecting Mao to take his time. They even asked him to take a break from his work to take care of Ritsu. They’re not expecting Mao to do anything else but take care of Ritsu today. Even then, Mao still wants to do a little bit more work. That way, he won’t feel guilty.

Though he has been pretty low on inspiration so it’s not like he can magically make a song at the moment. He can’t really force himself to make a song. What a shame.

Mao glances at Ritsu who seemed sound asleep. Hugging tightly to the pillow next to him, face digging deeply into it. Must be nice to be sleeping in that position. Mao wonders―Did he really fall asleep to Mao’s song earlier?

Staring at his laptop―Should Mao make a song that’ll help Ritsu sleep better?

How funny. Though the song seems rather incomplete, it’s still missing a couple of words and points that make the song worth singing but Mao seems satisfied with the progress. It definitely beats Mao hitting his head against the keyboard back at his studio. 100%. Mao thinks the change of scenery and pace helps. Though, is it really a change of scenery and pace? Mao doubts it.

If anything, it just feels like Mao is doing his normal routine except it’s daytime and he isn’t severely backlogged with practices and work at the studio. That’s all.

Maybe Mao believes it’s a change of scenery and pace because he’s with Ritsu. Taking care of Ritsu. Not making flimsy apologies and promises over the phone. They’re  _ actually _ next to each other. Not texting funny messages over LINE as they would normally do. Maybe that’s why he feels like it’s a change.

_ He just hasn’t been seeing Ritsu. _

Was Ritsu the same? Did he get a fever because of work? Mao can’t help but wonder.

_ Tell me that thing you can't hide _ ―Mao stares at that line.

Maybe. Maybe not. Mao would never know. Mao feels like he will never find out. Is that okay? Mao doesn’t know. To be honest, he wonders if it’s his fault for not being good at being honest as well. Is this karma? Maybe. Maybe not. Mao can’t tell. Though, Mao doesn’t think it is. It doesn’t feel like it at all.

Maybe Mao is bad at reading signals. Maybe he isn’t. Who knows?

Even after Ritsu gets better, that problem still persists. What a shame.

A half-eaten cup of pudding.

A half-eaten bar of chocolates.

A half-eaten slice of cake.

Say―What is going on? Another fever? Mao doesn’t know. If anything, all Mao receives is more guilt. Mao thinks the guilt is what makes Ritsu eat less and less. What a pity, Mao thought as he neatly put the barely drunken bottle of milk tea in the fridge. Should they go to the doctors for this? Surely, Ritsu will refuse despite this problem being severe.

Typical Ritsu.

“I’m sorry.”

Mao pats Ritsu’s head.

“Don’t be.”

It’s getting cold nowadays, Mao thinks as he watches Ritsu carefully fold the laundry. That’s a lot of laundry. Let Mao help. Ritsu doesn’t mind but mumbles out how Mao has done enough. The least Ritsu can do is properly do his chores on his own. No need for Mao to help him with this as well. Ritsu isn’t helpless, you know?

Mao is taken aback by that comment. Ah. Sorry. Mao didn’t mean that at all. He doesn’t find Ritsu helpless or anything. He just thought that it would be easier and quicker for them to finish folding the laundry, had they done it together. That’s all. Mao didn’t know Ritsu wanted to do it all on his own.

Their conversations ring that way. Always.

Why is that?

Mao can’t help but feel worried. It feels like this worry has affected how Mao eats too. Things get half-eaten. No one is eating their meals well-enough. They’re all half-heartedly eaten. In the end, the food will get discarded in the trash bin or left to rot in their fridge. Pretty shameful, to be honest. It can’t be helped.

The two of them aren’t just in the mood to eat.

Mao stares at Ritsu’s small back when they’re in bed. There has to be a reason why Ritsu has been acting this way. Mao wants to know. Tell Mao. Mao doesn’t mind if it hurts his feelings, even a little bit. All that matters to Mao is that Ritsu is okay. That’s all. Tell Mao what’s going on. Please.

This kind of worry eats him more than he eats dinner. It’s upsetting, to be honest.

What should they have for dinner? Mao wonders as he stares in their fridge. He actually has no idea. Should he ask Ritsu? Mao sighs. What if Ritsu answers that he isn't in the mood to eat? Mao wouldn’t know how to respond back. Mao doesn’t want to force Ritsu to eat, even if it’s for his own good. Skipping meals isn’t good for Ritsu. What’s a way to get Ritsu to eat? Mao finds himself glaring at the wooden floor.

Maybe individual meals are too much.

Maybe Ritsu is finding it hard to eat on his own.

He already does it so much on his own when he’s at work. Maybe the thought of eating an individual meal at home is too much to bear for him. Ritsu must think that eating like this is too lonely. Especially when you’re at home, in front of someone you love. It must be difficult to eat like that when he feels so lonely. Mao wonders if that’s the reason why he isn’t eating properly. Ritsu just hasn’t spent dinner  _ with _ Mao in a long while.

Should Mao change that?

Mao checks the cabinets for the pot, wondering to himself if it’s still there.The one that Subaru got for them as a housewarming gift. Hopefully, it isn’t rusted or anything. Mao isn’t in the mood to buy a new pot, even if it would be useful for winter. Today seems like a good day for hot pot. The weather is a little too cold for either of them to bear, the kotatsu is in need of use, and Ritsu is in need for some comfort. Wouldn’t a warm meal like this solve such worries?

Typically, Mao would do grocery shopping on his own. Typically, Mao does it on his way home. He’d be on the phone with Ritsu. The entire time too. Occasionally, hearing Ritsu clattering around the kitchen to see if they need anything for today’s dinner and tomorrow’s. Typically, their routine is done without them seeing each other until the end of the day when they have dinner together. How lonely.

Today is different, though.

Mao offers Ritsu to follow him to go grocery shopping. Take a warm bath together. Dry and comb each other’s hair. Put on comfy clothes. Don’t forget your muffler, Ritsu. Slip on your shoes and lock the door to your apartment. Unlock the door for a minute because you forgot the grocery list as Ritsu laughs at you. It’s a routine that is both familiar and foreign to the two of them.

Walk down the slightly wet path they are so-very-familiar of taking. Instead of listening to music or answering a text on LINE, Mao finds himself laughing along Ritsu’s funny stories during practices rather than fiddling with his phone. Has it been that long since they went out like this? Mao doesn’t think so. Maybe Mao didn’t realise the comfort in things being this way. Maybe not. Mao can’t give a confident answer.

As soon as they step into the grocery store, they get hit with warm air. Something both pleasing and annoying. Their coats and mufflers become extra baggage that they have to lug around when they’re doing grocery shopping. What a pain in the ass.

Just drop them in the trolley. They can put them back on when they’re done shopping. Ritsu laughs about how he’s still a little cold despite the warm air in the grocery store. Mao offers a hug when Ritsu pouts about how he really doesn’t want to put his coat back on. Ritsu is cute when he’s grumbling about the weather like that.

For now, let’s go find everything they need. When they get home, Mao will warm Ritsu up with hugs and kisses, okay?

“How many types of mushrooms do you plan on having in our hotpot?” Mao questions Ritsu who giggles in response. Put that back. They don’t need  _ that many _ for their hotpot. Just one or two is enough. Maybe they should consider different types of tofu, Ritsu jokes as he places the mushrooms back. Should they? Mao doesn’t think soft tofu will survive in the hot pot.

It’s been a while since Mao and Ritsu actually went out like this. Mao has come to realise that.

The amount of times they deviate from the list is stupidly high. Mao finds himself laughing as Ritsu cutely pouts in anger. Playful banter about whether or not they  _ need _ these ridiculous snacks that Ritsu insists on them getting. The amount of times Ritsu calls Mao’s taste in food, old or only suitable when you’re drinking beer is also stupidly high. Since when were they  _ this _ nitpicky on things like this?

Even then, Mao doesn’t mind. If anything, he enjoys it quite a lot.

“We bought too much.” Ritsu sighs as he leans his head against Mao’s shoulder. Isn’t it uncomfortable to walk like that? Mao has always wondered why Ritsu does that. Is it comfortable? Mao is curious. To be fair, Mao enjoys the feeling of Ritsu wrapping his arms around Mao’s left arm when they walk home together. The way Mao can feel the vibrations of Ritsu’s voice against his shoulder and the squeezes Ritsu makes when he clings tightly to Mao, it’s a comforting feeling.

As soon as they arrive home, Ritsu offers to help Mao make dinner. It makes Mao quirk an eyebrow?  _ Okay. _ Not that Mao minds or anything, he just didn’t expect Ritsu was in the mood to cook. Typically, Ritsu is only in the mood to bake. Not like Ritsu can’t cook or anything. It’s just rare to have him cook.

Ritsu laughs as he washes his hands. Don’t think too hard, Ma-kun.

Wouldn’t the hotpot taste better if they prepped together, anyway?

_ Huh. _ Well. Mao didn’t think about that. They could. Mao doesn’t see any reason to object. He actually quite likes that idea. Ritsu laughs as Mao wonders to himself―Why didn’t he think of that?

Take out the kotatsu. Set the table. Turn on the TV, though Mao feels like it’ll just be background noise to them. Listen to Ritsu complain about how it’s months too early for them to take out the kotatsu. Cute. Funny. Ritsu is so cute and funny when he’s like that. Why are you so fun to watch and listen to? Mao can’t help but think about it as Ritsu takes a seat in front of him.

“Are you going to turn on the stove or?”

At times like these, Mao’s stupid lovestruck face sure backfires on him. Ritsu always gives that skeptical look. Just how did you manage to survive this long? Ma-kun is a huge dummy, says the one who leaves Mao thinking the same. Ritsu has also managed to stay alive for so long. Just how? Mao doesn’t know.

Lately, their dinners have always had minimum noise. They’re silent when they eat. Probably due to Ritsu’s upbringing. Though there are times when Ritsu and his family can be noisy, there are also moments where dinner is spent in complete silence. Mao is aware and familiar of this type of structure. Mao has grown accustomed to this. It isn’t anything new.

Even if it isn’t something new, Mao prefers dinner like today’s― _ filled with so much love and noise _ .

The sound of Ritsu whining about his shriveled up slice of meat that he had forgotten in the broth, the clattering noise of their chopsticks as they’re fighting over the vegetables in the pot, and the background noise of the TV playing a variety show neither of them are paying much attention to―It’s undeniable that Mao enjoys this atmosphere a lot more than the atmosphere of their past dinners. Mao finds himself enjoying the sight of Ritsu  _ actually _ eating and enjoying his meal for once. Hearing Ritsu suggests they should turn the rice into porridge with the leftover broth is a weird reason to feel warm inside. Mao can’t help it, though.

_ I’m glad you’re eating well _ ―Mao has no idea why he wants to praise Ritsu for something as simple as eating. He just wants to.

Ritsu hums confusedly. Not really understanding Mao’s compliment. What does Ma-kun mean when he says he’s glad that Ritsu is eating well? Ritsu gave it a thought as he stirred the pot with a ladle.

_Ah._ _Right._

Ritsu lets out an embarrassed giggle. Well. It can’t be helped, can it? Ritsu didn’t expect Mao to  _ cure _ something like this with hotpot. It’s almost stupid that Ritsu feels better and finds eating easier when they have hotpot together. Not like Ritsu wants hotpot for dinner every day. No, that’s not what Ritsu is saying at all―

“We can have more shared meals if that’s what you want.”

Ritsu pauses in between his rant. He nods slowly.

“Yeah. That would be great.”

Cute. Ritchan is so cute when he’s like this. Let’s spend dinner like this more often. Let’s go out grocery shopping like this more often. Let’s cook together like this more often. Dinner tastes better when it’s shared like this, right? Mao can’t help but laugh loudly at Ritsu who yelps about the ladle sinking into the porridge.

An empty pot with only the porridge residue left.

A serving plate with only the fish bones neatly discarded.

A serving plate with only the sauce left.

What a strange sight to feel satisfied over. Mao can’t help it. Though these kinds of meals don’t really  _ cure _ Ritsu, they do  _ help _ . Ritsu eats satisfiedly when he’s in front of Mao with a meal like this. That alone is enough for Mao. That alone is enough for Ritsu too. There’s nothing Ritsu should feel ashamed of when he eats dinner with Mao. That kind of phrase alone leaves Ritsu smiling with red-tinted cheeks.

Carefully put away the washed dishes on the dish rack. Ritsu smiles proudly at Mao as he hands him a mug of coffee. So Ritsu is aware that Mao is going to stay up late again, huh? Mao seriously can’t trick this one. Judging the scent of coffee from Ritsu’s mug, it seems Ritsu is planning to stay awake with Mao. Surely, he’ll just pass out after finishing his mug of coffee.  _ Like always _ .

Mao kisses Ritsu’s forehead once he’s settled in bed. Stupid Ritchan. He’ll quickly fall asleep at this rate. There’s no way Ritsu will stay up all night with Mao. Not like it matters. After all, Mao only needs Ritsu to answer one thing before he starts dozing off.

_ What should we have for dinner tomorrow? _

**Author's Note:**

> hotpot good  
> i like hotpot  
> btw the porridge that they have after hotpot is called zosui or ojiya (really depends on who you're talking to lmao) which is porridge made out of leftover rice (a p common thing to do actually) and its great if you have a cold or you're cold (either way works!)  
> for someone who suffers from an extreme lack of appetite, I really appreciate ppl who consider having shared meals with me instead of individual meals bc you don't feel pressured to finish the meal in front of you alone yk? so I just thought it would be a nice feeling/prompt to write abt  
> anyway, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed reading this!!  
> (usually, I would link my twt but I'm not v active on the public acc but I guess if you want, you can still follow me [@drunkossan](https://twitter.com/drunkossan)!)


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